Jump to content

The English Language


Recommended Posts

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understandUP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We callUP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and cleanUP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And thisUP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so......... Time to shut UP.....!

Link to post
Share on other sites

A homonym is one of a group of words that share the same spelling or pronunciation (or both) but have different meanings.

There is a FIVE letter word that if you remove the first letter forms a 4 letter homonym. If you remove the second letter, it forms another 4 letter homonym.

Heard this yesterday on Car Talk

The word is: SCENT

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you park in a driveway ?

BUT

Drive on the Parkway?

Why do bathroom cleaners say do not use in a small enclosed area when if it wasn't small & enclosed, you wouldn't need the cleaner?

I guess you could get fed UP with all these words & meanings

Link to post
Share on other sites

David Balch wrote:

...Why do bathroom cleaners say do not use in a small enclosed area when if it wasn't small & enclosed, you wouldn't need the cleaner?...

That is a good one I have not heard or herd, which one is it, before.

Brian

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...

Why are Blueberries called "Blueberries", when in fact they are purple.

Who really cares. The english language is the most complex language to learn, although most seem to think it is the most simplest of all.

Bottom line - it is the language of the US. Anyone that wants to live here should be REQUIRED to learn it!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I hesitate to post this yet it seems relevant to the topic at hand.

I think it's one of the funniest things ever (it's been around for a long time) but some people might be offended so govern yourselves accordingly.

If you're not easily offended by discussions of an etymological nature, then feel free to check it out.

http://lemon.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c2251d3ebef21900d4141ca07b3c7f.html

If you ARE easily offended, then, well...(Oh, please...I KNOW you already listened to the whole thing and chuckled quietly to yourself!) ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Another English saying that buggs me

Out of order instead of "broken" ,"not working"....

ABC is in order

ACB is out of order

How can a machine be out of order?:(

I work on machines all the time and when they don't work generally all the parts are still there and still in order....So it should be not working or broken RIGHT!?

Link to post
Share on other sites

ChuckHutchings wrote:

I hesitate to post this yet it seems relevant to the topic at hand

Link does not work.

BTW I liked your telemarketers s*** page at

(i removed your link since the site does not like the s work)

I have a few calls that I have done and I noticed that they were not working on my site but I just fixed them. You might get a kick out of them.

http://www.barncow.com/

Link to post
Share on other sites

RichardH wrote:

ChuckHutchings wrote:

Link does not work.

BTW I liked your telemarketers s*** page at

(i removed your link since the site does not like the s work)

I have a few calls that I have done and I noticed that they were not working on my site but I just fixed them. You might get a kick out of them.

http://www.barncow.com/

Yes, it appears that link is no longer valid. (Probably all you PC'ers!) Unfortunately, I can't find another link that will post here! :laughing:Maybe I'll add one to my home page when I find one that looks like it will be around for a while.

Edit: I think ALL of my pages have "sucks" on them! :laughing::laughing::laughing:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...